Ten for Sixteen

Sixteen was seven years ago. Goodness.

I did this awesome crop and paste job in Paint. Remind me to get the Adobe Suite before I can't get a college discount, OK? 

The picture on the left is of me at sixteen-almost-seventeen taken in Trinidad. The picture on the right is of me barely-twenty-three in Arizona/Utah. I like these comparison pictures because in both I am in french braid and swimsuit and also, because I can discern important things like how Trinidad isn't that windy or bright compared to Lake Powell and that while my eyebrows have stayed relatively the same over seven years, I now smile kind of different.

These are the things I would tell sixteen-me. And in an effort to be more emphatic to sixteen-me I've referred to past journals in order to address her concerns then, rather than my concerns now.

Ten Things.

1) You will get through the International Baccalaureate (IB) program. In fact, you will look back fondly on the IB since it's going to prepare you for college like nothing else will. Also, you will never have to take math again after IB Math. In seven years from now you'll be able to console and counsel your baby brother who will be done with his first year of the IB program. Plus, this Friday you're gonna have lunch with your IB English teacher who was awesome, and may have been why you decided to major in English at BYU. So you'll be happy you did the IB, trust me.

2) Yeah it sucked that Mom didn't let you go swimming without an adult present even when you were SIXTEEN! But you'll get over it.

3) Yup, you were right: Jonathan never liked you.

4) In seven years, most of your journal entries will still be about how stressed you are over homework assignments.

5) It was awesome that you were on the swim and basketball teams in high school. Never mind that you weren't really good, just have fun! You'll remember those times fondly.

6) When Nathan comes back from his mission you won't be mad at him anymore because he'll hang out with you lots when you both go to BYU.

7) You never get super good at driving, sorry. Maybe someday, when we own actually own a car...

8) And I don't think anyone really gets the hang of breaking up with people or getting broken up with. It's still the worst every time.

9) Deep breaths now...breathe in...breathe out...

10) Yes, you do alright on the ACT.

Family Past, but Mostly Present

List Items Three & Twenty-Four: In my family there is a father, a mother, three sons, and one daughter. I wish I had a cute family photo to illustrate our 90s family dynamic, but you'll have to be satisfied with this family photo circa 2010.

We're cute, no? Since 2010 I've gained another addition to my family, my sister-in-law who married the bald guy on the far left (not the other bald one who is my Dad).

In terms of family dynamics I think the biggest thing that's changed is our location and how we now operate as several diverse family units. My little brothers are now grown up people--with one living in LA pursuing his dream to be an actor and the other the most responsible and the kindest high school senior I've ever met. With a four and six year age advantage respectively, I was pretty bossy with them as we grew up, but my little brothers (most often) went along with the games I imagined up. Since then they've both grown taller than me in addition to becoming my confidantes. I love them a lot.

My older brother and I are the closest in age and even though he was way cooler than me in high school, he always let me hang out with him and his friends. We both attend BYU so I've been lucky enough to hang out with his cool self post-highschool as well. Lately, the thing I am most grateful about my older brother is that he married Jamie. Having a sister is awesome as I dreamed it would be and as a return missionary, graduate-school-completing, straight-A student she the epitome of poise and accomplishment.

And then there's my parents. I'm fairly sure they feel similarly, but I have a pretty close relationship with both my mother and father. When I was younger I dreaded disappointing either of them and I made many (good) decisions based primarily on the fact that I knew that if I did the opposite it would make them unhappy. Even when I did disappoint them, both were quick to forgive and I never doubted that they loved me A LOT. Most recently, I've been grateful for my parents' input and wisdom regarding life decisions. As I've talked to them over the years regarding my goals, priorities, and dreams they've offered great advice and support. Knowing that they believe in me has given me the confidence to apply for and achieve things I definitely wouldn't have been able to do on my own.

When I was deciding whether or not to serve an  LDS mission I was, to say the least, very conflicted. While both of my parents had different opinions about the matter, ultimately they both rallied and told me that they trusted and respected me enough to fully support any decision I made. Their trust in me was key for me trusting myself and gaining the courage and inspiration I needed to make the decision on my own.

In sum, my family is wonderful and I'm excited to see how our dynamic continues to change. So far the changes have been different, but mostly good. So here's hoping that the trend continues.

My Dad: Cool (er Than Your Dad)

My father is most wonderful. And super cool. In fact he is in Uzbekistan right this minute. How cool is that? For the past couple of months he's traveled about to all the other stans--sending me purses from Kazakhstan and Kyrgyzstan as well as a beautiful silk scarf from Azerbaijan. Now that's pretty cool.

Not only is my father an accomplished world traveler, but he's taken me (and my family) to some pretty awesome places. Because of his great brain and work as a Foreign Service Officer we've lived in Guyana, Jordan, Peru, Mexico, and Venezuela with visits to the Dominican Republic, Egypt, Israel, and Syria scattered in between. And even though my Dad has a pretty crazy work schedule he's always made time for my brothers and me. He plays computer games with us, sponsored epic Foosball tournaments, helped me with essays and other writing assignments (he's a ridiculously good writer), driven me to and from legions of extracurricular activities, came home early from a work trip to make it to my IB art exhibit, raucously cheered (maybe even cried) at my high school graduation, etc.

There never will be enough good said about my Dad. For he is the coolest and I love him.

Salty.

I thought it would be great fun to do an open water event and since I live in Utah, what better open water event than the Great Salt Lake Open Water Marathon? I did the mile swim (foregoing the eight-miler swim from Antelope Island, crazy!) and it was lovely. Race day dawned clear and beautiful (despite dire storm predictions) with a delicious water temperature. I was buoyant as all get out and it was a comfort to know that if I ever cramped or tired I would simply bob along the surface in non-treading respite.

What did get me, however, was the salt. Of course I knew going into this that the Salt Lake was salty, but having it burn in my mouth, nose, and eyes was a little more than I was mentally able to handle. So wearing my bulky, kayaking wet-suit I breast-stroked most of the way at a leisurely 1.25 mph (45 minute finish) which definitely wasn't swimming-stellar, but certainly was fun.

Photo Credit: http://www.uibel.com/-/galleries/events/great-salt-lake-open-water-marathon-swim-2012/page/3

Fears

List Item Two: Describe three legitimate fears you have. First of all, what makes fears legitimate is highly debatable. That being said the things I fear (legitimately or not) range from the serious to the mundane e.g. wrong decisions, cancer, and leaping from diving boards.

1) I'm getting better at making decisions, I really am. But nothing strikes a good dose of fear into my heart than the threat of making the wrong decision. I hate the sinking feeling I get when I make stupid or unwise choices even if they're as small (or arguably as big) as being rude to a friend or not making the time to help someone when I really should have. Thank goodness for the Atonement.

2) Once upon a time Cancer was just a big ol' crab that got kicked into the heavens by Hercules. Then Cancer somehow escaped its heavenly confinement and found my Mom. But just like Hercules, my Mom totally kicked Cancer's trash. 

Today, 33% of all Americans will be afflicted with some form of cancer during their lifetime. The very nature of the disease is terrifying. There's no outside bacteria or virus causing your demise, just your own confused and malignant cells multiplying themselves into extinction. Also, this book, while very informative, brought me up to date on the ravaging guesswork of modern (and ancient) cancer treatment. Talk about fighting poison with poison. I'm scared that I can't protect my family and friends from cancer. I'm scared that I can't protect myself from cancer. Just wear sunscreen, OK guys? And don't microwave your plastic bowls. And love your friends and family. 

3) I think the thing that gets me about diving boards is their bounciness. I can handle jumping off (moderately high) cliffs into bodies of water, but flinging myself with extra bouncy momentum into swimming pools I will not allow. I'm one of those kids who went up to the top of diving boards and made everyone groan aloud as I chickened out and awkwardly climbed back down the ladder. I believe diving boards cause broken necks and spines and I will stay safely swimming in the pool thank you very much.

Photo Credit: http://www.umich.edu/~lowbrows/guide/cancer.html 

Addendum:

I also miss my father very much. 

I look exactly like him, but I have hair. 

Twenty Things I Think

List Item 1: Twenty Things I'm Thinking On

1. Loving lists.
2. This quote from All the Pretty Horses: "As she walked towards him her beauty seemed to him a thing altogether improbable." (McCarthy 248)
3.How I often forget to articulate appropriately.
4. Iceland.
5. Wouldn't it be lovely to have improbable beauty?
6. Syria.
7. M.
8. Radioactivity.
9. Goodness, I'm hungry.
10. How my editing minor is equipping me with so many useful skills that I loathe.
11. My over-priced cellphone plan.
12. When I will next see M.
13. Ideals and the practicalities of living those ideals.
14. Love.
15. I miss my mother.
16. Ancestors.
17. The perfectness of this past Memorial Day.
18. My baby brothers.
19. Powdered sugar.
20. Being a graduate student.