Monday, April 22, 2013

We're just a couple of kids

I'm getting married in twelve days. That's not very far away. And that's why I'm justifying this pre-wedding blog post in the midst of final paper finishing. Because I won't have much time left before all posting will be post-wedding posting. And even though that sounds rather fatalistic, it'd probably be more accurate to say I'm scared and happy and anxious and excited all at once. 

I've been thinking a lot about the Margaret Atwood poem "Habitation":

Marriage is not
a house or even a tent

It is before that, and colder:

The edge of the forest, the edge
of the desert
the unpainted stairs 
at the back where we squat
outside, eating popcorn

where painfully and with wonder
at having survived even
this far

we are learning to make fire

This poem gives me a lump in the throat. Because marriage sometimes seems like the edge of ALL that I know and hey, I'm just a kid! But midst those images of cold and unknown I find immense comfort in knowing there is no one I'd rather eat popcorn with. And that I'm pretty sure Matt will figure out how to make fire because he's like a scientist. 

I also like knowing  that Margaret Atwood is not my end-all of marriage. And that there's this thing called eternity which even if I can't entirely understand, I can still strive for. And I like to believe that eternity was before even the tents and houses, and that it is actually warmer there. And ultimately, I hope that if I go into marriage believing in its sanctity and importance I will be able walk to the edge of the unknown 
(Matt will be holding my hand the whole time).

And that I think I can do.

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